Coliky Twins Jokes

21 hours of the day, the twins were pretty good.  However, there was always a time frame between 6

and 9pm where colic reared its ugly head. 2, 3 hours of almost not stop crying.  Lucky for us, the identical twins had identical behavior so it wasn't just one, but both at the same time.  The frustration gets to a point where you just can't take it anymore and since you can't just give up and walk away, I'd do the best thing i could think of....joke about it.

I started coming up with jokes in my head then started sharing them on social media.  It wouldn't do anything to get them to stop crying, or to ease my frustrations much, but it did make me feel better knowing that my suffering could bring laughter to others.  So maybe if some of you reading this are going through some tough times with colicky kids they can put a smile on your face too.

American History for $1,000
A: On Aug 6, 1945 the Enola Gay dropped these on the city of Hiroshima, Japan which eveuntally lead to the end of WWII
Q: What are 'colicky twins',  Alex

Before he goes to bed every night, Chuck Norris checks under his bed for colicky twins.

I've got 99 problems and colicky twins are 7-92 of them

If colicky twin A was on a train heading west at 60 mph and colicky twin B was on a train heading east at 30 mph, how many minutes would pass before mommy and daddy were at a local bar pounding shots of Makers Mark?

Q: Why did the colicky twins cross the road?
A:  To make the chickens life fucking miserable

Q:  You are in an elevator with Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Colicky Twins.  You have a gun, but only two bullets.  Who do you shoot?
A: Yourself

Hitler, Stalin, and Colicky Twins walk into a bar.  The bartender says, "Get the Hell out of here, we don't serve your kind here!!!"
*Colicky Twins leave*
"So what can I get you two fellas?"

"Suicide Prevention, how may we help you?"
"Hello, yeah... I've got Colicky Twins and...."
"NO HABLA INGLES!!!!"
*click*

Hey look, its me again.

Well... here I am.  After a 4 month hiatus I finally decided to get back in the saddle again.  I've got a good

dozen or so drafts I've started over the past 4 months, but frankly, I just didn't want to post them.  Generally speaking there were mostly just a bunch of  "poor me" "life is soooo hard" "boo-hoo, feel sorry for me" bitch sessions; nobody wants to read that garbage.  Fact is, raising twins is no bullshit.... harder than I ever imagined.  Lets just leave it at that and move on.

To bring you up to speed.... the girls have been doing great.  Had their 4 month checkup yesterday and the Ped couldn't have been happier with their progress.  They are still tiny, both only in the 12th percentile for body weight on the premie scale, they don't even scratch the bottom of full term scale.  They have also started smiling in the past two weeks, a big milestone which helps take a huge bite out of all of the stress we've been shouldering.  

The girls have also started to show signs of increasing their feeds and have been stretching out a little the amount of time between them.  Teri and I are hopeful that this is an early sign of extending their night sleeping out a bit.  As to the sleeping at night, the first 3 months were pretty hectic.  They were getting fed every 3 hours with a typical feeding taking about an hour from start to finish, with it not being all that uncommon to take an hour and a half, and it wasn't unheard of to finally put the second one down and have to pick the first one up to start all over.  Now, I'm rested enough to say that we are stretching the night feedings out to about 4 hours, and are typically getting it done in around 30 minutes.  All in all, with Teri taking the midnight-ish shift and I handling the 4am-ish shift we are both getting a very respectable 8 hours or so a night of sleep.   We did have one night a few days back where they slept 9 until about 2 am and then to 5 meaning we (read "Teri") only had to get up once.  Looking forward to that becoming the norm (yes, we will take turns).  We are both still exhausted, but things are really starting to look up.